Monday, June 02, 2008

Marriage Advice Monday

This coming Saturday, my cousin Katherine is getting married. I thought it would be fun for all of us to give her advice for her wedding day, honeymoon, or on marriage in general. You can also comment on "what I'd do differently if I could start over" or "I wish I knew then what I know now...". So comment away. (My mom and Katherine at her bridal shower.)

My advice (in no particular order):
-Always make time to have fun together. Play games, be silly, and laugh together.
-Have hobbies and friends apart from each other.
-I wish I had spent the early years learning how to be a good homemaker and really getting into good routines with cooking and cleaning. I also wish I'd spent more time learning how to be a good/better wife. You can do this at any point in your marriage, but I'm sure it'd be a lot easier at the beginning before you fall into other patterns.
-Wait a couple of years to have kids. Spend this time getting to know each other and doing some of the things that may be harder to do after kids come along (like rock climbing or a romantic weekend away at a bed and breakfast).
-Don't assume that you are in control of your life. You're not. Have goals for your life and marriage, but realize that in the end God decides what will happen and when. It's nice to think that Tim and I would be married for 5 years and then have kids, but that wasn't God's plan. He thought we should be married 8 years and then have kids. He also wanted us to learn during that time that life would go on and we would be OK even if we never had kids. So go ahead and plan and dream, but also ask God what his will would be for your life.
OK, if I have more, I will post them in the comment section.


Cheryl said...

Talk to each other...share your day or a joke, just talk to each other.

Make time together no matter how busy you are.

Don't hold grudges, once and argument is over let it be over.

Don't go to bed angry.

Still date no matter how long you are married!! (each other, not other people, that's bad)

Lura said...

Stay away from credit cards as much as possible. 6 or 12 months same as cash are NOT your friend. Almost all arguments/disagreements are related to money or lack of (at least in our case). Save. Even if it's $1 a week, IT WILL ADD UP.

SamandSawyersMom said...

save any amount you can in a savings account...even if you plan on using it for something non-important later (vacation, camera, clothes) because it feels great and it gives you a "cushion".

don't be afraid to tell eachother everything. my husband and I hold nothing back. I feel this is so freeing and we don't fight behind closed doors like other couples. If we have a beef, we have it out (nicely usually) right there. If you must be private, fine, but still say your piece when it is important to you.

WAIT TO HAVE KIDS!!!!!!!!!!! They are the most precious gifts from God. If you parent the way God wants you to, it takes a lot of time and effort which is often taken away from your marriage. Spend time together before it is too late.

Learn to love smelly socks and underwear! Just prepare yourself now. Sniff a few for practice!

Char said...

This is what we have learned after 17 years of marriage:

- say "I love you" every single day!

- be considerate, respectful and supportive of each other. try and rely on each other more than outside people. i think that when we moved west, we learned to really rely on one another more because we had no one else to rely on or help us. this made our relationship stronger

- save money - save, save, save (that seems to be a recurring theme, eh?) Do not ever use credit!

- be patient and slow about deciding on a house and where you want to live. Take your time, look around a lot and make a list of the things that are really important to you in a home and neighborhood (like school systems, taxes, convenience, crime, etc, etc)

- never go to bed mad and don't hold grudges (Cheryl said this already)

- if you get upset about something, tell him right away so it doesn't build up and you blow up later.

- spend time together before kids - I agree with everyone on this one. Take a lot of trips (Ok, I already know where you are going on your honeymoon, so you are doing great already in this department!!!!) :) Talk, share dreams, and thoughts.

- It never hurts to plan ahead a little bit when it comes to kids. Do you want to work? stay home with the kids? Talk to each other about your "expectations" and thoughts when kids come.

- do little things to make him feel special. fix his favorite meal, have his favorite clothes washed... things like that, to show you care, without having to tell him.

I hope that you and Sean have a beautiful wedding and an even better life together!! Congratulations on your wedding!! :)


kellerie said...

have hobbies together. schedule in time to try new things with each other.

always share what's on your mind, even if it's hard. it will be even harder to discuss if you let it fester.

don't think you'll change things about him later. accept him for who he is.

i know it's already been said, but AVOID CREDIT as much as possible!

Say "I love you" every day, and kiss each other goodbye everytime you leave the house.

Carrie said...

OK...I had a few, but they have been mentioned. So, here is what I was thinking too!

Don't EVER go to bed angry or let a fight linger on too long.

Don't hold your feelings back. If you're upset about something tell him right away and truthfully.

WAIT WAIT WAIT to have kids! As much as I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Olivia and can't wait to have another you need to WAIT WAIT WAIT!!! We waited 4 years and I am so glad we did. We did a lot of vacations together (like Mexico, jamaica, California...) and now its not that easy to pick up and go do whatever we want.

Credit cards are VERY bad. We have no debt and its an amazing feeling and its less stress on your marriage.

Say I love you and kiss each day

When you do have kids, make time for you and hubby too. Make sure you have a date night every month or two.

Carrie said...

I have a couple for her wedding day:

Remember to take it all in. The day goes by sooooo fast and when its over with you will want to relive the entire day.

Be sure to have your photographer and videographer get as many pics as possible and get "different" kinds of pictures too.

Make sure someone has a small sewing kit nearby at all times. You never know when an emergency my arise!!

Be sure to have someone help you go to the bathroom. LIfting a big dress and going potty can be difficult!